Monday, June 24, 2019

Smile, It’s Monday: Your Weekly Wake-up Call to Create the Intimate Relationship You Desire

When there’s not commitment, 
there's confusion.
--- M. Scott Peck

Commitment is not for everyone. I didn’t think it was for me for the first forty years of my life.

I was never able to “think” my way into it. The mind can come up with reasons to support just about anything, which in my case included a dystopian view of marriage and an inability to confront inner demons.

I was only able to commit to marriage once my love for my (now) wife became stronger than my fear. I wish I could tell you exactly how it happened; the only savior I can point to is empathy.

After being apart for a year-and-a-half, I experienced a moment of knowing with her that transcended rational thought. I had been teaching Compassionate Communication and realized that I hadn’t understood her well when we had been together.

When we saw each other again, I told her I loved her.

“I love you,” she replied.

“You loved me before, but you weren’t getting what you needed in our relationship,” I shared. “Let’s sit down and talk about what you would need to feel comfortable in this relationship.”

We agreed that we would give it another try, and if it was going well, I would propose within six months and we would marry within a year of our engagement.

I proposed just over two months later. Six months afterwards we were married. That was over eight years ago.

This week, ask yourself what you most wish for in this area of your life, whether it’s marriage, children, or simply a more intimate connection with your partner.

Make a commitment not to make a commitment, but to confront the inner demons obstructing your path toward what you desire.

Anthony Silard is the president of The Center for Social Leadership, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization based in Washington, DC and the author of the Simon & Schuster book The Connection: Link Your Passion, Purpose, and Actions to Make a Difference in the World. To receive Smile, It's Monday every other week, enter your email here (1-step only). To support The Center for Social Leadership's Young Leaders Program for disadvantaged youth either directly or through purchases, click here.

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