There is only love – all else is illusion. At every moment, in every conversation you have ever been in or ever will be in, you and the other person are each either seeking love or expressing love.
--- Anthony SilardWe seek love in many ways, such as shouting, belittling, attempting to guilt someone into doing what we want them to do, manipulating, giving the silent treatment. Arguments happen when two people are seeking love at the same time. Our most intimate, loving moments – including “lovemaking” – happen when two people are simultaneously expressing love. Here is the key to effective communication: When the other person is seeking love, listen. Show empathy. Try to understand their needs. When they are expressing love, it’s your opportunity to be assertive, to get your needs met. In fact, it’s the only time when you can get your needs met, because it’s the only time when they will actually listen to you. Identify a person who has been a thorn in your side lately. The next time they get on your nerves, remind yourself that they are seeking love in their own way, yet are pushing it further away from them because they haven’t learned healthier ways to get their needs met. How can you lighten your position just a little bit, and help them to get the love they desperately need? Try this strategy – it’s the first step to filling your life with more loving, meaningful relationships.
Anthony Silard is the president of The Global Leadership Institute and the author of the Simon & Schuster book The Connection: Link Your Passion, Purpose, and Actions to Make a Difference in the World. To receive Smile, It's Monday each week in your inbox and a free copy of Anthony's new audio CD, "The Surprising Source of Your Passion", enter your email here (1-step only).